Friday, November 2, 2007

Pursuing Happiness


What does it really mean to be happy? What does it mean to create happiness in life? The old cliche says happiness does not depend on circumstance. Well maybe it shouldn't, but I think it does. Understand however, that I don't believe life has to be perfect, but something does have to be there to hold onto that's more important than that which is gone or gone wrong.
I've been thinking about the concept of being happy lately. Mostly because right now, I am not. I can remember times in the past when it felt as if everything were unravelling; My ball of twine was surely coming undone-- Like when I had to move out of a difficult housing situation in the course of one weekend. It became all too apparent that I needed to not be living with the three girls (and boyfriends) in our two-bedroom apartment. (Plus, the miscellaneous men one particular girl was inviting over).... girl fights, tight quarters, you get the picture. It was time to move on. Long story short, they decided that even paying out my portion of the rent for the remainder of our lease was not good enough. My things were thrown into garbage bags and held captive inside the home whose lock my key once turned. Before, of course, they changed those locks. I was financially strapped, virtually homeless, and without a belonging to my name. I should have known better than to move there to begin with. But I didn't. Friends came out of nowhere to offer help and eventually, retreive my belongings by order of local authorities. In one defining moment, I let go. I let go of the 'stuff' I'd been so worried about getting back. I let go of being angry, and appreciated the people who amazed me with generosity. I was, surprisingly, very HAPPY.
How does one go about creating a life of happiness? If I want to build this, it has to be from the ground up. First, I need to simplify my life. That means taking a step back from great moving plans right now, not getting ahead of myself, and forcing plans to happen just so they're finally just over and done. That means not over sacrificing, over promising, and over extending. I want to clean house. It's time to asess what I have, the things I've collected, put away for 'one day when I might need it.' Well, the day has come. Either I need it or I don't. If I don't, then someone else will. I contacted a local company who is sponsoring a family in need for the holidays and found a good way to pass on some perfectly useful items, that are not useful for me. It's freeing to become a minimalist. I never want to play the college nomad again, but I don't want to be tied down to what I have. This makes me happy. Helping someone else makes me happy.
Second, I need to invest into the friendships I want to cultivate, and the old ones I've held onto. I want to let these people know how much they mean to me, and make sure I act like I mean it. I want to be there for them, to finally go visit on the trips I've put off, and to know they'll be there for me when I need it. I want to laugh again. I want to put the people who mean something to me, before the work and projects that should come second. I want to love these people.
Finally, I want to learn to breathe. To look at the world again in wonder and thank God for the time I've spent here and the time in waiting. I want to embrace where I am, what I'm doing, and find satisfaction. I want to keep my eyes on my side of the fence.
What makes you happy?

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