"Yeah Though I Walk Through the Valley of The Shadow of Death I Will Fear No Evil" print by Frank Pape
Are you aware of your fear? Do you recognize what scares you or does it jump up and snatch at you from the broken shadows when you least expect? Knowing your fear is just the beginning to gaining control over it again.
What do I fear... ?
I fear my mother. I'm afraid of becoming her; I'm afraid I will settle for being less of myself, giving in to doubt, and living in sadness. I don't want to fear what's outside my front door, as if it were a shrouded Reaper waiting... waiting. I don't want to give up on myself. That I won't look the way I want, be able to do what I want, or be liked because like her, that is what I tell myself.
I fear what she will say. I fear what comes across her lips in moments where the tension grows into swollen words, lashing out and crossing all boundaries of civil respect. I fear what she says, because deep down, it does matter. I do want her to understand the things she never can. And I'm left holding a dilemma.
I fear my body. I fear what it does of it's own accord, working against my efforts through genetic makeup I try to twist and form. I fear that one day I will wake up, look in the mirror, and see nothing but my imperfections and stop loving myself in the shallowness of judgement I reserve only for that reflection. The mirror that stands between me and idealism.
I fear love. I fear letting go and believing in perfect love, opening up my heart and feelings and not regretting that bond we shared. I fear that I might have found that, and could somehow ruin it. And then blame myself for being the one, this time, to screw everything up.
I fear regret; of what I might have done, or chose to do. I know I feel things deeply, with the true heart of a woman, even if it doesn't show on the outside. I fear that my loyalties, my tenderness, my ability to see the best in people will be misplaced time and again, leaving me with more regret.
I fear being female. I fear being a female whose gender is preyed upon over, and over, and over again; Living always with caution, guarded and suspicious. I fear because I am female and just like any other woman, can and have been overpowered. And I hate that.
I fear being destitute; not being able to care for my needs, without money, friends, or shelter. I fear that I will again experience what it's like for family to walk away. That isolation breeds mistrust, especially if their reasons were unfounded. This to, is also a form of destitution.
I don't live in fear, but I deal with fear, try to face it, cope, and move ahead. When you know your fears, begin to understand them, you can recognize when that fear is triggered and where your responses stem from underneath the current situation.
What do you fear?
Are you aware of your fear? Do you recognize what scares you or does it jump up and snatch at you from the broken shadows when you least expect? Knowing your fear is just the beginning to gaining control over it again.
What do I fear... ?
I fear my mother. I'm afraid of becoming her; I'm afraid I will settle for being less of myself, giving in to doubt, and living in sadness. I don't want to fear what's outside my front door, as if it were a shrouded Reaper waiting... waiting. I don't want to give up on myself. That I won't look the way I want, be able to do what I want, or be liked because like her, that is what I tell myself.
I fear what she will say. I fear what comes across her lips in moments where the tension grows into swollen words, lashing out and crossing all boundaries of civil respect. I fear what she says, because deep down, it does matter. I do want her to understand the things she never can. And I'm left holding a dilemma.
I fear my body. I fear what it does of it's own accord, working against my efforts through genetic makeup I try to twist and form. I fear that one day I will wake up, look in the mirror, and see nothing but my imperfections and stop loving myself in the shallowness of judgement I reserve only for that reflection. The mirror that stands between me and idealism.
I fear love. I fear letting go and believing in perfect love, opening up my heart and feelings and not regretting that bond we shared. I fear that I might have found that, and could somehow ruin it. And then blame myself for being the one, this time, to screw everything up.
I fear regret; of what I might have done, or chose to do. I know I feel things deeply, with the true heart of a woman, even if it doesn't show on the outside. I fear that my loyalties, my tenderness, my ability to see the best in people will be misplaced time and again, leaving me with more regret.
I fear being female. I fear being a female whose gender is preyed upon over, and over, and over again; Living always with caution, guarded and suspicious. I fear because I am female and just like any other woman, can and have been overpowered. And I hate that.
I fear being destitute; not being able to care for my needs, without money, friends, or shelter. I fear that I will again experience what it's like for family to walk away. That isolation breeds mistrust, especially if their reasons were unfounded. This to, is also a form of destitution.
I don't live in fear, but I deal with fear, try to face it, cope, and move ahead. When you know your fears, begin to understand them, you can recognize when that fear is triggered and where your responses stem from underneath the current situation.
What do you fear?
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